There was a saying that September is a happy month. Is it true for everyone? It was for me last year. 5 September is the happiest day i guess. =).  Not now, not this month in this year. It was so different on how i took it. It’s not because of the things happening and people around me. It’s just how i take it.

For all the bad things, one good and significant thing,

i know and i will force myself to get this right and straight, that i have to stop.

coz if all that matters is my dream, everything i ever wanted so badly, none happened with you.

coz if all that matters is doing what i want, it’s always not right. none until this point.

coz if all that matters is strength, i had but not in you.

coz if all that matters is how i feel, you won’t (have to) bother that.

coz if all that matters is all the testing, not yet, there will be the right and more appropriate time.

coz if all that matters is wrongdoings, nothing is perfect.

coz if all that matters is happiness, it’s not.

coz if all that matters is the thinking, it changed.

coz if all that matters is the change, no one knows in the future.

coz if all that matters is what you want, go ahead.

For me, it’s just not you.

Adios September, you are past now

and welcome October…!

short thinking.

a thing that has more attractive offer can replace of the big plan of someone. it doesn’t mean that the previous thing has no meaning at all. it’s just we tend to choose the better offer, non?

i came to ntu for the environmental engineering. in the middle of the way, bioengineering, has more promising challenges and "fun", won the competition. doesn’t mean environmental has nothing at all that no one would choose. it’s just the matter of choice. hehe, dun have any better examples in hand and mind now =p. but it represents enough of my thought. i did go through this, and history never say it won’t happen again. it’d as it likes.

Q : are you able to do that?

A : yes, i got all the skills set.

Q : do you want to do it?

A : no, thanks.

for any reason it might be, ability goes along with interest for every purpose. lacking one, the purpose will just lapse. lack of ability, training session is there to equip skills needed. lack of interest, motivation has to take its part. but seriously, when you don’t want to do one thing, why would you bother to look or even put even a single effort or step into it?

ability is something static, it’s there gained by knowledge or experience and sharpened by practise. the energy which motivates you to practice can only be found with interest, of doing something that you want. from nothing to exist, from insignificant to significant. for every changes.

nevertheless, how badly you want something,  the final call is whether you can do it or not.  when it’s not like what you want, then changing what you want isn’t wrong at all. forcing one self all the time through hard time ain’t always good choice though. coz human won’t reach infinity after all.

(it’s just an old thought stroke by a friend’s saying, unrelated to recent days)

manda with plans in the mid-term break

Selamat berpuasa bagi yang menjalankan…

Selamat beribadah….

Maaf lahir batin untuk semua kekhilafan…

Semoga semua waktu di bulan ini bisa terisi dengan khusyuk dan ikhlas, dan kita mencapai kemenangan pada akhirnya..

Lastly, wishing everyone to get real meaning of this Ramadhan =).

now or never, will you?

i told you…. =p. menyalurkan energi positif yang meluap2…=)

1.Sebutkan 1 hal yang paling kamu suka dari hidupmu ?
pasti selalu ada orang2 yang ada n bisa buat gw ketawa lagi, ton of thanks to u guys…

2. sekarang kamu lagi mengoleksi sesuatu??
mengoleksi semangat!

3. temen yang baru2 ini kasi testi ke kamu?
baru2 ini juga dah lama, dienza chubby

4. kartun yang bakal kamu nonton sampe tua?
tergantuk anakku nanti suka apa…. =p

5. sekarang lagi diet?
harusnyaaaa…..

7. hal yang bisa bikin kamu ketawa sampe puas?
just simple n silly things of past… ga inget tapi sekarang =p

8. selain makan dan minum, hal yang menjadi kebiasaanmu tiap hari?
mikir, duh besok gimana yah??

9. salah satu sahabat terbaik dalam hidupmu?
ga adil ah kalo disebutin satu…hand even not enough =)

10. yang bisa bikin kamu kangen terus?
arsa… addicted to arsa ndoet

11. sebutin satu barang yang ada di deket kamu!
laptop (gw)

12. menurut kamu bulletin board penting gak?
see the title

13. siapa 1st love kamu?
huhuhu itu anu…. =p, tapi ga jodoh =(

14. kata orang2 karakter kamu itu?
ga pernah bilang

15. kata kasar yang sering kamu ucapin hampir tiap hari?
jarang kok… hanya di waktu2 yang terpaksa

16. kalo ketemu orang yang kamu gak suka?
hehe…tergantung on how much i don’t like them

17. tempat terakhir yg kamu kunjungi?
tempat mingguan gw…hehe…

18. menurut kamu anak SMP uda pacaran, pantes gak?
no comment

19. hal terbaru yang kamu ketahui baru2 ini?
there’s no other way

20. kalo kamu ngobrol ama orang lemot?
suka ga sabaran…pa lagi kalo lagi lemot juga

21. yang trakhir nelfon lo siapa :
siang ann =)

22. yang trakhir dinyanyiin :
humm…senandung hati kali

23. orang trakhir yang lo ajak ngomong :
rismi

24. yg terakhir dilakukan:
menahan lapar

25. terakhir berjalan dengan siapa aja:
hehe….dengan kalian

26. barang trakhir yang dibeli dan dmn :
"belanja" manda fika

27. makanan trakhir yg dimakan ?
malay food

28. trakhir kali keramas :
tadi pagi

30. trakhir kali potong rambut :
3weeks?

31. trakhir kali jatuh cinta :
is there last?

32. kapan terakhir bilang "aku sayang kamu"?:
ga inget 

33. sodara yg trakhir ktemu :
big family, alhamdulillah..

34. orang yang menurut loe paling keren :
beda2 in different category

35. trakhir ngapain?? :
bete2 n PANIK…

36. trakhir ngeliat orang yg lo taksir :
in 30mins time kayanya

37. nangis trakhir kapan:
that becomes ritual recently sigh

38. trakhir mabok:
-

39. terakhir susah bangun?:
sekarang2 ini juga

40. terakhir susah tidur?
3 days back…

41. terakhir ngerasa sedih bgt:
told you, itu recent activities, my mood is not in a good shape

42. terakhir suka lagu apa? :
wake up everybody… pride , dst, dst

43. terakhir mau ngapain malam ini?
berdoa untuk besok =)
—

13Sept2006 5:59pm

Before a girl was born, she was held by God.

When she’s born, she’s held by her mother.

When she grows up, she’s held by a man.

After she dies, she’s going back to God’s arm.

<<Lines from Kyoko, a dying girl in this Japan drama>>

10 September, it’s today! (i just knew there’s such a thing ^^). another thing, there’s such a related association : international association for suicide prevention (IASP) =p. i thought it was not that serious. Apparently, it has certain seriousness degree, depends on how it’s seen. The prevention has become one of WHO’s agendas with this year’s theme : "with understanding, new hope".

several facts and methods bout suicide :

- in the year 2000, one million people died

- one death is estimated for every 40 second

- one attempt for every 3 second

- in Singapore, 1 person ends his/her own life every day

- most popular method is pesticide ingestion (60-90%) -especially in Asia

- males are 4x more likely to suicide than females (CDC 2004) –> shocking, fact that females are more vulnerable isn’t always right. see guys, talk more, reduce stress =p

- more people die from suicide than from homicide. In 1999, there were 1.7 times as many suicides as homicides

- 57% suicide was involving firearm

- lowest rate of suicide in US is in the winter with highest in the spring

These figures keep increasing. Recorded in the help-line in Singapore, from 7000calls in 1970, it’s now 43000 calls in year 2004. It reminds me of Rico’s story of someone committed suicide in his neighbourhood. And scene in the movie "I’m not stupid", a boy is going to commit suicide because of poor academic result. All the reasonings continue the list, but it all has the same root - stress and depression.

Singapore is not that popular yet for suicide though. The rate (of100,000), is interestingly only 9.5, which is still far compared to France, 17.5 or Korea 17.8. Strict country is not as prone as relax and fun France. Compared to famous Japan, the total death in Singapore in 2002  is 1:100. It’s still a big effort to catch up if Singapore wants to be no.1 in suicide. Group of age 55-64 reaches the highest rate 40.6 (of 100,000) in Japan among the general rate 23.8 - and not the student.  I wonder whether it’s due to post-pension syndrom? Figures are not merely there to be calculated and recorded as statistics. As i learnt sociology, a single life does matter. I forget how it was put. But, dramatically, it does matter when we, again, loss another life in the community. (not economical nor competitive thinking i guess)

If your friends say "I can’t go on," "Nothing matters any more" or even "I’m thinking of ending it all." and you do really care, you may want to take a look to www.befrienders.org or other related sites like www.samaritans.org to get some prevention. Fellows taking "Are you okay?Mental Health in Singapore" must know some tips given during lecture =p. Basic idea, just listen to them. It helps.

which you can refer to : www.cdc.gov, www.who.int, www.save.org

it leaves me with this trivia : if you feel like killing, will you choose yourself as the victim, or other souls you might not know will be better target?

just heard this song once, but i do like it =). dedicated to Fika, ayo Fik beli soundtracknya, gw pinjem ya =p. and for myself, for not always sleeping for the dreams.

Wake Up Everybody

by Harold Melvin/The Blue Notes

Wake up everybody no more sleepin in bed
No more backward thinkin time for thinkin ahead
The world has changed so very much
From what it used to be so
there is so much hatred war an’ poverty
Wake up all the teachers time to teach a new way
Maybe then they’ll listen to whatcha have to say
Cause they’re the ones who’s coming up and the world is in their hands
when you teach the children teach em the very best you can.

Chorus
The world won’t get no better if we just let it be
The world won’t get no better we gotta change it yeah, just you and me.

Wake up all the doctors make the ol’ people well
They’re the ones who suffer an’ who catch all the hell
But they don’t have so very long before the Judgement Day
So won’tcha make them happy before they pass away.
Wake up all the builders time to build a new land
I know we can do it if we all lend a hand
The only thing we have to do is put it in our mind
Surely things will work out they do it every time.

Repeat Chorus

———

note : let’s wake up, week 6 is coming ;)!