Theories of Love
Liking vs Loving (Rubin)
Both liking and loving are invisible packages of feelings, thoughts and behavioral predisposition within an individual. However, the contents of two are different. Love is composed of 3 elements : attachment, caring and intimacy.
Attachment refers to the powerful desire to be in other’s presence, to make physical contact, to be approved of, to be cared for.
Caring is the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the sake of the other person.
Intimacy is the union and bound between those two individuals.
What makes liking different from loving is its emphasis on evaluating the other person. That is, we like someone only if we think of that person as good intellectually and morally, and worth our respect. Scales measuring love and liking had been developed.
Companionate vs Passionate Love (Hatfield)
These two are the basic types of love. The first one is the affection we fed for those with whom our lives are deeply entouned. This is achieved only between partners who are able to positively reinforce each other’s intimate behaviors. While passionate is defined as a stake of intense longing for the union with another and a state of profound physiological arousal. This powerful emotion can be positive when it’s reciprocal or negative when it’s unnequited. It’s said impossible to do both.
Lovestyle and colour (Lee)
Primary colours are : Ludus (love as a game), Eros (love of an ideal person), and Storge(love as friendship). Like the colours, two can make the secondary colours : obsessive (Eros+Ludus), realistic and practical (Ludus +Storge), and dutiful and selfless love (Eros+Storge). Last one is mixtures, where all the elements are detectable.
Triangular Theory (Stemberg)
Three major components of love : intimacy, passion and decision/commitment. Intimacy includes self-disclosure through sharing emotions and stories. Passion involves erotic interest and sexual consummation. Commitment involves making a decision to stay with your partner and to defer this type of relationship with others. Having all the elements balanced, Consummate Love will exist. Perfectness is hard to get, combination of one or two elements exists bringing in these types of love :
Passion Intimacy Commitment
Infatuated high low low
Empty low low high
Romantic high high low
Companionate low high high
Fatuos high low high
Liking low high high
Non Love - - -
In a long term relationship, level of passion may go down after the peak but the level of intimacy keeps rising. And the two partners may emphasize in different elements at the same time. One may seek in passion, while the other one focuses in intimacy. Differences must be resolved for the relationship to work out.
Huhuhu…. it’s just from a piece of paper that I found when I arrange my notes =p. Make your choice in which type you are;).
I appreciate caring and commitment at most *grin*.
