13 juni 2006
a lot of things happen today, if it can talk bout itself, i am sure it will be longer than the day. not the one who choose, too bad that most of the thing, it’s not a good one to think, to tell or to know. but i just want to write…so for you that have announcement, ‘manda has updated her blog’ almost everyday…and get bored of it…hehe.. just skip this one =)
I changed my style of blog again, actually it’s insignificant. it’s just the childish side of me. Because of one reason which is really really not relevant, i directly changed my layout. Hope this one is better =p. I can’t tell what the reason is coz personally i keep saying myself that im stupid to take it as a reason. But i just cant stand it, my ego win. I change it. It did make me realize that i still can’t accept the condition made by those people. I really dislike it. A part of me keep telling me that I need totally go out from this circle made by them. But i can’t. Maybe because of the promise I made, or because of my belief that I already put really into the depth. I don’t like to look through it. Coz honestly, everytime i see into it, I can’t see anything on it. It’s just nothing. Teach me how to make it worthed, Show me that it’s worthed and Teach me how to forget it, the mistakes and the past. I can’t stop looking back if you are still back there. Teach me how to forgive of being faked and used. N teach me of not to be naive anymore to face the real world. It’s so difficult to accept the world. At most when it’s not like what I want.
I know it’s just about mindset. In fact few people are ok about it. And they keep go on with their lives. But not about me, I am not as great as them. On this matter, I can’t. Even if i had a apology, i can’t guarantee that it will be better now. But i do think i deserve that apology! Past wont happen again. I should have forgotten it. But it means totally out of the circle. The world total is too big. Should we just wait till the time. Maybe if nothing changes, you can read another title of my entries - i go out of the circle.
On top of all, teach me how to forgive the right people. It’s hurt to keep this.
