mot de manda

the last month of the year.

24 new days to the last day of the year.

24 hours for every single day.

It might be a good time to think of our to-be-achieved things, planned in the beginning of the year. Whether it has been very good, relatively good, or not good at all year, it is not the end of the year yet. There is still time to re-look and may be brush on the list.

Excitements, laughter, tears, and failure are parts of the journey. The two things of my favorites are accomplishment and surprises.  The first will allow the rest of energy to be invested in the next in the list. While the last is effective in moderating the expectations.

Bring in to the factual context, the happenings are always much more than what have been expected. The impacts lie on our hands to be decided. There is always two sides of coins, much more when we see it at various angles.  Indeed, the almighty plan is always the ‘game’ that is on.  Our part in the game is to play as best as we can. Not to win, but to be alive.

Enough to say, i am going back to stare at, or rather to work on, my expanding list. In the end of the day, experiencing the journey is being alive all about.

the time unsurprisingly continues to tick, helping the events pass by themselves.

how much things i want to say thus how much things i want to write never go beyond silence. 

the words if and wish are indeed around, in between the words of the prayer.

some are vague, biasing into regret or confusion.

one bright thing that i know for sure for now. it’s all for how much i love her  =).

yes, we all do.

definition:

the state of being forgotten

or

absence or omisson of mention, comment, or expressed concern

being forgotten, silence is identic to an isolated place or where there is almost nobody. thus, no one will talk neither comment.

nevertheless, the essence of the comment and concern are 2-way communication. forgetting involves 2 parties - at least.

indeed, silence covers broader things. it could be a silence even though a counterpart is talking directly to you.

silence could be in the middle of the most crowded place it could be. it is not the words, but the respect and trust decide the most.

why this topic, why today?
1. because of the laughter today
2. because it’s not only me who suddenly giggle in the middle of class
3. because when i was questioned and end up in gathering all the pieces of past-happiness, i feel excitement and reasons why i should be thankful of.

and also, the french way of answering to the questions: pourquoi pas? or why not?

ok, the laughter. it was so free that i felt the person might be really happy on that time. i was indeed. but anyway, does the person feel happy? nobody knows, but him. my part is to wonder - how long the happiness, if it ever exist, could stay in his memory?

one might think it depends on the significance. but really, is it as simple as that? in some stories that i heard, little tiny silly things happen to be the spice of the life. hence, i don’t know for sure the reason, but for sure significance is not always significant then.

why i want to know the reasonings why certain moments are more favored to come to one’s mind when the question comes is to try to overlook on my happy moments and try to categorize them based on a certain logic.

nothing is logical though. no order. one is something that i was and am really happy like in a fantasy - with a clear physical symptoms heart beat and breath to replace the excitements. while some are vague. it was so great, then flat, then when it comes to re-think about it, yeah that was one of the best moments in my life. some are the great ones but stored in brain cells untouched for such a long time.

in any cases, how would we know the real ones? im not writing here the right answers. but i guess, it includes the ones that make you giggle for a while, or continuosly smile all day. and also, the ones that the more i think about the more happy i am :).

if, you are still reading this writing, in your mind, are you thinking any of happy moments or so called best moments of your life? what’s that?

well, for me, another pieces of puzzles, when this question kicks in again the future, is foreseen.

[a piece due to the struck of happiness-lightning =) ]

of anything.

i was always amazed with people who could actually see the positivities on any actions. lately, professionnally described ones.

the way i see it, it’s not easy. well, for sure, it wouldn’t be easy to admit (by saying) something that is not coherent to our principle, would it? for me, yes it is not easy. so, i could say that it is not easy to say positivities if  we, or rather i, do not either see, or agree or even put some faith on that positivities. in easier-to-digest words, if it’s spontaneous / made-up.

if i go back to the title, then i have to be taking the other side now. it isn’t easy either to see the negatives ones, sometimes. because we don’t always believe in what public condemn as bad. but, i must say that in most of the cases, i did it indeed, without any trouble. but quickly, again, it’s not done well - i believe. think about it, why would we think on the negativities, if indeed, nothing could be done afterwards.

so yes, it is difficult to do any one of them. so, maybe, im just guessing here, it would be much easier to be in neutral line. silence is gold. yeah, standing just in the boundary. moving as far as the space given by the boundary. it sounds simpler, and yet simple means easy.

but afterall, it is only easy till the emotion starts to participate. then, all the three options are not any good. it is not a fun way to procastinate and waste energy on, for sure.

what you feel only matters to you;

is what you do to the people you say you love that’s what matters;

that’s the only thing that counts.

[the last kiss]

let’s walk the talk (and thought)!

the quote reminds me of my just few minutes ago ‘a cup of coffee’ which is very good in keeping me awake till now. it’s merely on what a person thinks, and then the action he chose to do. it’s interesting that i found the quote just few minutes after that. he seems not to be sure on what to do, or i must say, he is not sure on what he did is the right one. well, he made the choice, made the move, turned his thinking into an action at least.

why action is more important? it’s a real thing that other people can see, perceive, response and also unfortunately judge. that’s how to convey of what’s really on your mind. if it turns out to be unfavorable, not as simple as a click, but there’s often the better way to get on the right one. bold indication on the to-improve and the turning point seems to be necessary though…

or else, as the master of mind. change the feeling. because it’s nobody else but ourselves who can change what we feel. seems to be more difficult, but really, to change what’s beneath and inside requires less effort than to change the whole world to satisfy us.

story of a friend is often to be the right coffee for a long night..

A picture of my favorite place in Madrid, Templo de Debod @ Parque del Oeste
It’s reconstruction of the temple that is found in Nil River, in Egypt.

Que bonita! Si, las chicas y son bonitas =). El lugar también. Me gusta muchissimo.

ok, so this is not a complaint…it’s just a little story of my last days in Madrid which I think it’s commonly used by people. but then i realized, i don’t really know what it means..

professor in the class:
" bla bla bla bla…because there might be personal interest, for example in negotiation in Japan, you might want to go to Japan itself. or you want to  secret-word"
[class giggling]
"bla bla bla bla….everybody likes secret-word!right? who doesn’t like secret-word?"
[class shaking their head]
"well, if someone doesn’t like secret-word, let me know.. there must be something wrong with you"

my hand was almost up to the air "sir, i don’t think i like secret-word!" but again, it’s not about complaining.

i merely dont understand when he said, let me know… if someone really did let him know of his opinion, then what this professor would do? i guess nothing. it would change nothing. the class might laugh, a good thing. with additional unbelievable face from professor maybe.

the part that i don’t understand "let  me know". what would you do, after saying the phrase? would you resolve the problem (if any).

well, let me know, what actually ‘let me know’ could mean.

disclaimer: secret-word is used instead of xxxxx that can make you think it’s something that it’s not the one i meant.=p

*unaccidentally published, so yup here all that i have.

On the last -should be enjoyable- days in lovely Madrid, both my brain and my heart are screaming aloud. Not enthusiastically, but emotionally. Of a saying, i mean thousand times saying, "not important" slash "not necessary". No, not because the curiosity is still there, not about being unsatisfied.

But seriously, when one keeps saying that, i keep questioning,  "SO, WHAT’S IMPORTANT FOR YOU???". Or do i have to show that specific page on dictionary on letter i, ‘important’ then you can, hopefully, read and -a little bit more difficult one- understand what it means.

Sigh…. ergh….!! And all the rarely used word and writing style have (unfortunately) been conveyed, in hoping for more result. But no, nada. Hm, no regret. Coz decision is made. Not that it’s not important nor it’s not needed. Indeed, it is both important and necessary. It is just the words of confusion, unability, being selfish and unreasonable proud.

Being sarcastic is not necessary but sometimes it’s the (only) way to keep moving on - alive.

excrepted from what understood : "humanbeing would never stop complaining"

lying lazily doing nothing at home but merely being at home, i surfed to some of my friends’ friendster and blog. i stucked quite for a while at one page with a quite long  and nice phrases. last two parts were:

"if i promise not to feel this pain, will i see u again?"

the selfish brain says, if the pain predominates everything, we would never see anybody. not even the closest friend that can make us laugh 24 hour a day, 7days a week, go on and on. because for sure at least for one second, we feel the pain for any reason that’s logic. or because the need forces us to forget the pain and still meet.

meanwhile, the heart looks deeper to the question.